SIX STEPS FOR SUCCESSFUL HABIT BUILDING

ITS HERE! ITS HERE!

I finally wrote the blog that I’m pretty sure was supposed to come two or three weeks ago.

Turns out I haven't built the habit of staying focused on the task at hand.

I forgive myself though. I have ADHD (YAY for Mental Health Month here at Dunnebells and freely talking about how beautiful our brains are the way that they currently are). Living with ADHD has been a whirlwind my friends, and honestly, I think the fact that I’ve written blogs successfully and had them posted on Tuesday for over a month or two now is worth celebrating. YAY. 

I guess I can say that writing and posting a new blog post on Tuesdays is now a habit, can’t I? 

It's happened over and over enough times now where I can’t really thank luck.

Instead, I’ll thank hard work. 

Go me.

And guess what, GO YOU, too.

Hopefully, you’ve read our previous blog about why you would even want to build a habit, and what habit might be, for you, worth building. Check it out HERE and let me know what you think in the comments. Then, once you have the habit that you’re hoping to build, continue on down the list you see below. There are six steps that I think make great habits. I researched and researched and researched this, and I’ll admit that I’m not an expert. 

However, I do think that this is likely what it's going to take.

Hopefully, you enjoy it.

So first off, what I would like to emphasize is that you should be focusing on ONE habit at a time. Please don’t go all mighty and try to accomplish too many things at once. That's just not how this is going to work. 

ONE HABIT at a time. 

Got it?

And then please, I’m begging you, focus on small wins accumulated over time. By focusing on the small steps towards building this habit, you’re setting yourself up for success.

If you try to do too much at once, your willpower will quite honestly just disappear, and then…bam, you will stop doing the things and you’ll be upset with yourself for doing so. Whatever your new habit is - make yourself ready for it by preparing for it. Spend some time thinking about it, and why it's important to you. Learn more about your habit so that you’re truly attached to it. Determine beforehand what obstacles you might face this month. Being prepared can quite literally save you from yourself. Know yourself and understand your strengths and your weaknesses. With a growth mindset, you ensure that you truly believe this action (new habit) is important for you. 

Recently we were chatting in a private group with our Dunnebells members about giving up alcohol, as drinking, every night has become a habit for one of our members. Giving up alcohol can be a daunting task, but it is definitely possible to do. When we discussed this in our group, we identified why it was important for this individual to stop drinking and it was determined that the important first step was to make the decision to stop. o quit drinking. This may seem like a no-brainer, but it is actually the most important part of the process. Once you have made the decision to quit, you need to come up with a plan. This plan should include things like setting a quit date, finding alternatives to drinking (tools in your toolkit), and drinks like THC Drinks which have been proven to stabilize mood and help to relieve symptoms associated with chronic illnesses such as depression and anxiety. Enlisting the support of friends and family was identified as another important step when deciding to quit drinking. It was amazing to see the Dunnebells community supporting this member. She created a plan and has been sticking to it. For her, it has been worth it so if you are in a similar spot, don’t give up. You’ll be able to ditch that habit if it’s truly what you want to do.

Okay, now we have covered that quick story…

Ready? 

Let’s dive into more of the six steps for successful habit building!

1 - Identify your TIME COMMITMENT

I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news but the truth of the matter is this - if you’re not going to commit time to your new habit then chances are it's not going to become a habit. 

#sorrynotsorry

Some sources say that it takes twenty-one days to build a habit and other sources say you’re sh*t outta luck unless you can give it sixty days of your time. I would assume that thirty days is a good starting point. If you ask Lucy, she might say that you should give it forty-four days, but that's simply because forty-four is her favorite number, not because it really defines success. The amount of time you dedicate to your new habit won't truly matter, so choose something that works for you, your habit, and your lifestyle. 

Once you’ve chosen how long you’re going to dedicate to this new habit (minimum thirty days) I want you to plan ahead. 

Isn’t that annoying? Planning ahead? It seems like everything that is done successfully has been planned ahead in some way or another. 

However, it needs to be done. 

Along with determining how much time you’re willing to give to this new habit and learning all about why this habit is meaningful to you - it’s important that you know how you’re going to fit it into your days, and what your plan is for the days that you just don’t feel like it. Being prepared, as I mentioned before, can quite literally save you from yourself. Understanding your strengths and your weaknesses can be extremely beneficial. 

Let's just say you’re hoping to (for the sake of conversation here) build a habit of RUNNING DAILY into your life. You want to become someone who loves running, and who enjoys going outside for a run (even if it's only fifteen minutes) on a daily basis.

Got it?

Well, what I’m saying here is that I want you to look ahead in your calendar and figure out WHEN you’re going to run. I’ll get into the specifics more in the next step (YAHOO) on ways to insert this new habit into your day, but it's also important to know what your plan is on days where you may be already *quite busy*. It's Friday and you’ve already had a long week at work, and you’re trying to tie up loose ends before you head away for the weekend. There is a lot to do at work, and you are hoping to get on the road before rush hour traffic (this sounds all too familiar) so when the heck are you going to put your energy into this new habit? Tough question - obviously - and that's why I think it's important to figure it out before the time comes. IF you have a plan, I believe you will succeed.

Plus, it's your habit. It’s your life. You’re the one who truly believes that this is meaningful to you - so I trust that you’ll figure it out. Why wouldn’t you?

Planning ahead is not for obsessive and controlling people. Planning ahead is for successful people and you too can do this!

Plus, it's a commitment. This is a time commitment that you’re choosing for your habits and I truly believe that if you map out what your time commitment looks like, on a daily basis not just as a whole, you will see that fifteen minutes here and there may SEEM like a lot, but in the grand scheme of things, it's not as daunting as you may be thinking. 

Building habits is no joke. You’re about to do hard things (on top of all the hard things you’re already doing - let's be honest).

So, how can we make them less hard?

Step TWO can help with that!

2 - ANCHOR YOUR NEW HABIT TO SOMETHING YOU’RE ALREADY DOING

This one makes a whole lot of sense to me and if it makes sense to me chances are it is going to make sense to you.

Anchor your new habit to something you’re already doing. 

I mean, it sounds pretty simple, doesn’t it?

“When I get home from work I am going to run upstairs, change into my running gear, and I’m going to go outside”

“As soon as I wake up I am going to change into my running gear, brush my teeth, and then get outside”

“After I put the kids down for the night, I’ll change into my running gear and I’ll get outside”

“As soon as I put those shoes on, I’m going to count to 5, and I’m getting out that door - regardless of what is happening in my home”

In these examples, you’re attaching what you’re hoping to do to things you’re already doing. That way, when push comes to shove, you’re going to remember that THIS IS WHAT YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO DO - because it's not like you’re just not going to wake up and brush your teeth one day, or get home from work and walk in the door, or have to put your kids to sleep.

If you anchor your new habit onto something you’re already doing (don’t choose something that you only do three times a week either, this is a daily thing) the chances of you then doing the new habit increase. 

In the long run, once your habit is a habit the idea of the anchor is this: When you do the thing you always do (because you’re probably always going to) then it kind of just automatically happens that you then do this new habit. 

Put the kids down for bed and BAM - run mode.

Or stretch mode, or clean up mode, or self-care mode, or whatever mode you’re wanting to get into. 

Anchor your UPCOMING HABIT to an already successful habit and you’ll find that it's easier to build your habit in a way that makes sense for your life.

And, if you’re reading this and you’re like “but I don't want to run at night when my kids go to bed” then you need to go back to step one. You need to figure out what works for you, your habit, your goals, and your schedule. If building this habit doesn’t work for you late at night, then anchor it to something you’re doing during a different time of the day. Maybe you need to anchor it to something different during the week than you do on the weekends, and that's okay. 

This is your habit. Remember that.

Once you’ve got all this sorted, you’re ready for step three.

3 - LET OTHERS IN on your plan so they can be YOUR ACCOUNTABILITY group

If you don’t tell others what you’re up to then it's likely (but not guaranteed) that you will run out of steam on your own. If you’re one of those people that does EVERYTHING like this alone and that works for you, great, but the majority of us actually need to share our intentions with others.

Why?

ACCOUNTABILITY. 

There is proof that having an accountability buddy is beneficial in times like these. Some people believe that your accountability buddy needs not to be someone whos overly involved in your life (so that they remain helpful, not emotional) but honestly, it's going to be important that you find people to share your intentions with - no matter who they are. 

Talk about yourself, talk about what you’re hoping to do, talk about why it's important, and give yourself the stage for a second. If you explain to your people why you’re doing what you're doing and you ask them to support you (in whatever way they can) I can bet they’re going to be excited to support you (and if they dont, find other people to tell until you find your support). 

If you don’t tell people about what you’re doing, or why you’re doing it, chances are that when things get tough and you get busy and you start telling yourself that it's not worth it - you’re going to have less ‘skin in the game’ and it’ll be easier to potentially ‘stop doing what you’re doing’ for a bit. 

But would you give up halfway through if you knew that your mom was going to ask you how it's going the next time you chat? Would you give up if you had told your grandma you were going to do it and then just decided that you were over it? What about if you’re partner was in on it with you and they got into bed at night and told you that they’d done it - and you hadn’t?  Would you give up if you really had some people who were excited about your success as well as you?

Likely not. 

Accountability is key. You legit need to know that YOU ARE IMPORTANT and that YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Got it?

And once you start this whole process, guess what?

Number four. Thats what.

4 - Don’t break the chain

Put up a calendar somewhere that you can see it. Don’t go all fancy and buy something if that's not your jam, simply draft one with your own two hands. You need a space dedicated to day one, and every day following until the end date. If you're committing for thirty days, you need thirty spaces. If you’re committing for sixty days, you need sixty spaces.

On day one, when you can joyfully say that you DID IT, I want you to put a big checkmark in the space you’ve dedicated to day one. If you’re more of an X, mark it with that. If you need a happy face, all respect to you. 

Day two, do the same.

Day three, do the same.

Day four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, and eleven? Do the same.

And whatever you do - don’t miss a day.

It's your habit, remember. It’s not like we’re saying you need to work out for an hour a day for sixty days straight. Some of these habits that you may be trying to build might only take you five minutes (brushing your teeth, flossing, and using mouth wash daily), fifteen minutes (stretching before bed), or half-hour (running), so this is definitely something you can do on a daily basis.

Plus, consistency is KEY when it comes to building habits. 

If you’re anything like the majority of the world in this scenario, you’re going to THRIVE off of the chain of success that you can see as you document your progress. The worst thing would be to miss a day and break that chain.

So while you’re committed to building this habit - just don’t break it.

Deal?

5 - attach your habit to your identity

This one is important. Your habit needs to become a part of you and you need to start believing it right away. 

If your goal is to run and enjoy running on a regular basis, then saying things like “I actually hate running and it's no fun at all” is not going to be the mindset that accompanies you into this habit. You yourself need to believe that you can do this. Try saying “I enjoy the way running makes me feel” instead. “I am a runner, even if it's hard” could also be something that you could replace your negative self-talk within this scenario.

James Clear, in his book Atomic Habits, talks about this concept as being ‘Identity-Based Habits’. He says “The key to building lasting habits is focusing on creating a new identity first. Your current behaviors are simply a reflection of your current identity. What you do now is a mirror image of the type of person you believe that you are (either consciously or subconsciously). To change your behavior for good, you need to start believing new things about yourself. You need to build identity-based habits.”

Which, makes sense when you read it, right?

Clear also says “Many people begin the process of changing their habits by focusing on what they want to achieve. This leads us to outcome-based habits. The alternative is to build identity-based habits. With this approach, we start by focusing on who we wish to become.”

WHOA.

I feel like that deserves a mic drop of its own. Theres nothing I love more than a statement that really makes you stop dead in your tracks and really feel the desire to do things differently this time. 

According to Clear “Changing your beliefs isn’t nearly as hard as you might think. There are two steps.

1. Decide the type of person you want to be.
2. Prove it to yourself with small wins”.

Which is step 5 in and of itself. Decide how you can make your habit part of you and then win, small. Small daily wins are going to be your recipe for success once you figure out who you want to become by building this habit.

And lastly,

6 - REWARD YOURSELF FOR YOUR LITTLE WINS

Why all the hard work if you’re not going to celebrate? I mean, at this point, you’re aware that you’re going to be embarking on a journey of change - which is taxing and emotional regardless of how big or small the change is.

Change is hard.

Rewarding yourself is necessary. 

If you get ten checks in a row? GREAT. Celebrate somehow. 

If you get twenty in a row? GREAT! Celebrate somehow.

If you break the chain and then start strong the next day regardless of how much of a failure you feel like? GREAT. Celebrate somehow.

Find a way to win, and stay consistent.

Then, when you do, reward yourself.

---

There you have it. 

Our SIX STEPS FOR SUCCESSFUL HABIT BUILDING!

I’d love to hear what habit you’re wanting to build, so drop it in the comments below!




**I’ll let you know that I spent last month really working on a new habit, and although I am not perfect, I really do think that I’m getting better and better as time goes on.

I wanted to learn to love exercise. 

Loving exercise has never been for me. For what seemed like forever, I really couldn’t find something that works for me. Everything I tried, I would be keen for a few weeks and then all of a sudden I’d slip up and convince myself that I just wasn’t all that into it.

However, I don’t want to do that anymore. I wanted to commit to something for once. So, I did. I found out over the last handful of months that I really LOVE going to our fitness facility and because I am paying for it - I really wanted to make it worth it and actually go. Plus, if I did, it would be worth it for me too, right? 

That's what I told myself.

Last month I went swimming pretty much every other day. I had a goal of swimming 20km over the course of the month, and I decided that it would be best if I just swam around 1km a day on the days that I really wanted to go. Some days I swam 1km, but there were also days when I swam 2km and there were also days when I swam 400m. 

What I did though, was built a habit. I didn't want to put so much pressure on myself to hit a certain target each time - the cherry on top for me was that I actually showed up - not the results I achieved. 

I also wanted to lift some weights when I was there. Again, I didn't put the pressure of having to lift them every time I was there - but what I found was that when I took the pressure off, I actually wanted to do it. 

My goal was for a month, and now that the month is over, I still WANT to go. 

I want to go for a swim, and now that it's sort of a habit, I want to also lift weights while I’m there because honestly, why not? It does make me feel good, just like my wife said it would. 

I enjoy going and for me, that's a HUGE win.

However, don’t be fooled. It's not EASY.

Just because I’ve built a habit does not mean that the habit now comes easy. Habits aren’t meant to be easy. Please don’t assume that once you’ve built the habit that it's just going to flow freely into your life without thought. You might still have to THINK about doing it and convince yourself to do it, and that's OK.

It's actually super normal and we’re all likely going through it with you.

Have any questions? Leave them below! Can’t wait to chat all about your habits :)