No introduction on this one, I’m just going to dive in.

Are you ready?

1) You ignore your body's natural ‘hunger cues’

If you haven’t already, I highly recommend going back a few weeks and reading our blog post all about intuitive eating. CLICK HERE to head there now, and then when you’ve finished that, come back here and carry on.

Ignoring hunger cues your body sends you is a sure sign that you don’t have the best relationship with food. Don’t worry though, that's not synonymous with “you’re a terrible person”.

If you’re someone who does not listen to your body when it says “I’m Hungry” then, just like the rest of us, you may have some work to do. Think of it this way, if your body is telling you that its actually hungry (and not just bored) and you don’t feed it for a few hours….do you think that your body is going to trust you forever, or do you think it might start to feel like its owner is a bit dodgy?

Of course, it will start to think you’re dodgy! But only because you’re doing dodgy things to it - like completely ignoring it when it asks you for something.

Granted, if you’re getting a hunger cue while you’re in a situation that you can’t quickly access food, then, by all means, take your time (finish up at your appointment or what have you) and then get some food when you can. But, if you have access to food and you’re simply not eating it (for whatever reason - any will do) when your body is asking for it - then unfortunately you may not have the best relationship with food.

Tuning in and listening to your hunger cues can be one of the most rewarding steps in changing your relationship with food.

2) You feel guilty about eating

I’ve heard it said before that guilt is a silent killer - a disease of the mind that can become a disease of the body. Now, I haven’t looked up medical studies to prove it, but I have dealt with my own guilt issues and I can say that getting rid of guilt over time has been a key factor in me feeling happier, healthier, and in control. Guilt used to play a massive part in my life, and it was one of the major contributing facts to why I always (yes, always) felt sick to my stomach. Over time, these terrible stomach aches became much more, and I had lost control. I ended up in many doctors' chairs, and emergency rooms, all to be given no answers. I felt guilty for being sick. I felt guilty for having to ask for help. I felt guilty for worrying people. And, I felt guilty for being so guilty. Everything I did or didn’t do somehow circled back to the feeling of guilt. When I decided three years ago that I was going to get my health on track (mainly because I couldn’t deal with the pain in my stomach anymore) one thing that significantly changed for me, aside from all the dietary and lifestyle changes I chose to make, was that I actively tried to get rid of guilt in my life - and trust me, it was not easy.

What I learned though, was that a life with significantly less guilt was rewarding in so many ways, and in this specific scenario, if you’re guilty of feeling guilty about eating (or not eating, or what time of day you enjoy eating, or even about what you’re eating) then I want you to know that it doesn’t have to be this way. You can change this. You deserve to NOT feel guilty.

3) You restrict

By definition, restrictive eating is limiting food intake to a certain number of calories or to certain foods or food groups.

Have you ever said you don’t like pizza when really you do like pizza because you’re trying to convince yourself that you don’t so that you don’t eat it and hopefully not eating it will have a positive outcome for you?

Do you stop eating at 8:00 pm because you read somewhere that eating late at night is one of the worst things for you, even though by 9:15 you’re hungry again and are having difficulties falling asleep because your tummy is grumbling?

Do you put things back when doing your shopping because you habitually turn the item around and found out there were more calories (or whatever number you’re looking at) than you were hoping for and grumpily move on to the next item, only to be disappointed and leave the store with things that don’t excite you?

When your grandma offers your seconds, do you take them or do you politely decline because it doesn’t fit in your day, even though what you really want is some more dinner and dessert?

Have you tried to cut back on carbs? Have you stopped eating grapes because you found out they contain a really high amount of sugar?

Have you ever ordered a caesar salad with dressing on the side and without croutons because you’re afraid of the unnecessary calories, but then been disappointed that the caesar salad isn’t as good as you remember? If any of these resonate with you, please, don’t worry. You are not alone.

However, I’d be lying to you if I said that it's totally okay. It’s not. These things are not sustainable, and living a life with these thoughts and feelings is not what you’re destined for. There is a better way. If you’re wanting to break an unhealthy relationship with food and restriction, then know that you can! It is totally possible to reset your relationship with food, I promise!

4) You feel stressed about eating in social settings because of what someone might think about the way you eat (or don’t eat)

It's extremely exhausting worrying about what other people are thinking about you, and even more exhausting worrying that people may have thoughts and feelings about how/what you’re eating.

I truly believe that you (if you resonate with this) only think people are judging you because you’re judging yourself.

Sorry, but this is just how I feel. It’s often harder to admit that these things are things you think about yourself so why not project that the person sitting across from you feels them too?

However, projecting these feelings onto someone else is unfair to them (in my opinion) because as it stands, it's likely that they haven’t even thought about you and what you’re doing with food. They could be sitting across from you having a great time, and you’re projecting that they are concerned about your eating habits (and honestly, no one should want to be a person who is concerned by someone else’s eating habits). Simply, unfair and likely, they too, are thinking about themselves and whether you’re judging them for something that you’re not!

Dig deep. Why do you do this? And then when you’ve discovered why…how can you work on it? How can you change your relationship with food? How can you have more freedom about what you’re eating? How can you lift the unknown judgment from the people around you?

5) You feel the need to compensate after eating

If you’re someone who is working out to counteract eating, this may be detrimental to your relationship status with food. For instance, if you have a meal or two during the day, and while you’re eating you’re thinking about how much time you’ll have to spend at the gym, or how you’ll have to go for a run on top of your workout to work off the meals you chose to eat that day? Likely you don’t have the best relationship with food. Not everything needs to be transactional. You are allowed to eat simply to nourish your body. You’re also allowed to eat just because you want to. You’re allowed to eat because something looks delicious.

Not every meal needs to be counterbalanced with exercise and discipline. Punishing yourself is not going to work, especially when it comes to food.

6) You’re keeping secrets

If this is you, you don’t need me to tell you what the secrets are. You know, and it likely pains you to admit. It may seem scary to tell people the truth, but trust me that opening up and sharing your struggle with people you trust (a friend, or a certified coach) can be an absolute game-changer in changing your relationship with food.

You deserve to confidently make the same food choices when you’re home alone as you do when you’re out in public with friends or family. You deserve to feel like your home is a safe space when it comes to meals and snacks, instead of a dark place where you do things only you know about. You deserve to, if you want to, go through a drive-through and not have to hide the wrappers from the people closest to you.

And, now that we’ve gotten all that out there and have talked about what a not-so-great relationship with food could look like, what in the heck are we all supposed to do?

How do you build a better relationship with food?

How do you learn to trust yourself when it comes to food?

How do you break an emotional relationship with food?

How do you hit the reset button on your relationship with food?

First, take a deep breath. If you want any of these things, you’re already ahead of the game. Wanting change is the first step to making a change.

Just like any other relationship, a healthy relationship with food will be a lot of work. Developing and maintaining a good relationship with food will take time, energy, practice (and then more time, more energy, and more practice), and patience. Resetting your relationship with food is possible, but not easy! Dunnebells is always here to help you break an unhealthy relationship with food - so if you’re struggling and you need to talk it out with someone - please reach out via our website www.dunnebells.com If things were simple, and if you were another mammal (like a lion, for instance) your main reason for eating would be survival. However, whether you want to admit it, you’re not a lion, and the fact that you’re human means that there are many reasons to eat, only one of which is survival.

Humans eat for survival, yes, but also for joy and pleasure, because of tradition and culture, and as a way of socializing. Some of us even eat to cope, to cure boredom, and as a way of establishing some sense of control in our lives. We are not lions - we are very complex.

This means that it's been a compilation of extremely complex things that have gotten you here, and it will be a compilation of extremely complex things that get you where you want to go. Below, I will list off some very difficult things that could be done in order to change your relationship with food (if, and ONLY IF changing your relationship with food is something you want to do - I am not here to tell you you should do anything at all). It’s my belief that you could focus on two or three of these for a few weeks, and introduce more as you feel ready, but you have to be the one that decides what it is that you want, and what you’re willing to do.

Mostly, I suggest speaking to someone whos been where you’ve been, and who has gotten where you want to go! Hiring a coach is one of the smartest things one can do because in instances like this, having someone to go through the fire with is going to be extremely beneficial. I may be biased, but again, Dunnebells is here for you!

Okay, the list. Are you ready?

STEPS YOU CAN TAKE TO HELP YOU RESET YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD

Find a way to give yourself permission to eat what you want
Learn about your hunger cues and get really good at listening to them
Get rid of the “good food” and “bad food” mentality. Food is food. Some items are more nutritious than others, but no food is good or bad, and changing that language for yourself is very important.
Get rid of your scale. It's bogus and extremely unhelpful and it’s not actually telling you anything that will be good for you. Plain and simple, get rid of it. Don’t even donate it, because honestly, no one else needs it either.
Find people you feel comfortable eating around and make plans to see them more.
Work on guilt, and get rid of it from your life.
Tell yourself that you’re not what you eat. You are not defined by what you eat.
Don’t justify what you eat. Just eat it, accept it, and take one step forward. There is no need to justify it to anyone, not even yourself.
Try new foods regularly, just because you want to.
Eat when you’re hungry and stop when you’re full.
Practice mindful eating.
Be grateful that you have a body that shows up for you every single day
Stop following social media accounts that specialize in any sort of restrictive behavior, or any that simply make you feel guilty for eating the foods you eat.
Get support
Accept your body and trust that it is a wise machine that is looking out for you. Your brain is what is getting you all worked up, but the rest of your body wants to do the right thing. Learn to trust yourself.
Stock your house with snacks and foods that excite you, not bore you.
Stay hydrated
Don’t treat yourself, just have a snack. I heard once that dogs get treats and humans get snacks. You don’t need to be rewarded with food, ever. Food is so needed in our life that it should never be something that is a reward. If you want it, have it. If you’re tempted by it, try it. If you need to treat yourself because you’ve done something you think is deserving of a treat, then buy yourself flowers or a small gift - but don’t treat yourself with food.
If you’re an emotional eater or someone who eats when they’re bored - simply try to find something else to do when you find yourself reaching for snacks when you’re not hungry. Pick up a new hobby, do something with your hands, read a book - anything.
Eat when you’re actually hungry. Please.

All in all, be patient with yourself. Be nice to yourself. Give yourself room to grow, make mistakes, and learn hard lessons.

More than anything though, learn that it's okay to eat food. All sorts of foods. No food is good and no food is bad. Food is food and you need to eat it to survive. Plus, you deserve to eat it. You’re incredible and so deserving of all sorts of things!

Reframing the foundations of your relationship with food will take time, but as I said before if you are wanting to do it, I believe that you can. I believe that I have a pretty good relationship with food, but if I’m being honest, the more I look into it the more I realize that I too have work to do.

And instead of thinking that ‘having work to do’ is a bad thing, I have to bring it back to basics. My relationship with food is like any other relationship in my life - it's good, but it can always be better. Knowing that my choosing to work on my relationship with food is only going to benefit me, in the long run, is what is steering me towards hard work. I want to have a great relationship with food, not just a good one.

And, I want that for you, too.

Please reach out if you have any questions. Dunnebells is 110% here for you, at all times. Now on our website is a way for you to book a FREE 15-MINUTE CALL with our founder, Lucy Dunne, where she can answer your questions before you take the plunge and sign up for an eight-week program.

Dunnebells wants a healthy lifestyle to be accessible to all, which is why we invite you to our FREE FACEBOOK GROUP, a place where you can join hundreds of women around the world who are all on a journey similar to you.

Happy Tuesday Friends! Enjoy your week!