if nothing changes, nothing changes

If nothing changes, nothing changes.

If nothing changes, nothing changes.

If nothing changes, nothing changes.

Over and over again. Not repetitively to the point of annoyance bringing you back to a time when your favourite Eminem CD skips while driving down the highway, but repetitive in the way where I’m pretty sure she was just trying to get her point across - to herself first, and then to others - which obviously includes me whether I like it or not. That sort of repetitive. A healthy repetitive, especially if you’re trying your damnedest to become a bit better than you were yesterday, and so on (and so on).

My wife, in the last twenty-odd days of 2023 has been saying If nothing changes, nothing changes almost without noticing. She will argue that she has said it before the crack of 2023, and she's right - it's just been repetitive since we woke up on January 1st.

It’s a little bit of a nuisance, as you may imagine.

Of course, nothing changes if nothing changes - why must we keep saying it? Why state the obvious?

Think about it. If nothing changes, nothing changes. We all get it. 

Now, bear with me. Hearing this over and over has only been a nuisance because I sort of am drawn towards the idea of things changing without having to do the work - not because shes wrong, or annoying - but because sometimes it would be nice to get the result without the effort. 

You get what I’m saying?

It’s a nuisance because its the truth…and sometimes the truth is hard to swallow.

It’s me. I am the problem. 

It’s January and I know the woman has some goals (yes, I just called my early thirties wife a woman….at what age does one become a woman in conversation, out of curiosity….) and shes ferociously going to go after them, because that’s who she is. She’s driven and inspired and the sort of person who will go for what she wants (queue a bit of jealousy). She will remind herself daily of her goals and in doing so, remind you of yours too if you’ve got them. If you don’t, like I had not for the better part of the last few weeks, you can start to feel like you’re not doing something right. No goals? WHY?

I didn’t know what goals to set. I didn’t know what I wanted.

Frankly, I still don’t really have any idea what I’m doing. 

Which, is familiar. I have trouble getting started (could be anything), and then once I’m started, I often have a bit of trouble keeping going. So, how do I set goals if I don’t know what I’m setting them for and if I don’t really trust that I’ll do anything about them?

Pause.

Think about that too.

I thought about it for a LONG time. Like, a really lonnnng time. 

And that’s when it hit me.

If nothing changes, nothing changes.

I could keep saying that this is who I am and this is how I approach goals and this is how I attack them and evidently fail at some point.

Or -

I could change.

First, the way I talk about myself. 

To myself. 

About myself. 

Sure, nothing will change because I am who I am - but what if I change who I think I am and actually start to believe that I could be different?

Would that work?

To test it, I decided that instead of identifying solely with being the type of person who starts a lot and finishes very little - I’d identify with being the type of person who can do things. 

That simple switch has been a GAME CHANGER.

Because, in case you haven’t been listing - if nothing changes, nothing changes.

Maybe that change isn’t a physical thing that you add to your day, or quit doing, but instead, maybe it’s just changing the stories you tell yourself about yourself SO THAT YOU CAN ACT AND DO DIFFERENTLY.

Because if nothing changes, nothing changes.

Let me paint a picture for you, if I may.

I don’t run. 

Often.

I don’t sign up for things.

Often.

I don’t do routine.

Often.

I don’t challenge myself.

Often.

I don’t do things I think I’ll be terrible at.

Often.

However;

I don’t want to be the same person I have always been. What sort of life would that give me? What sort of story will I have if I just let life happen to me without actually directing anything on my own?

It’s my story. 

It’s my life.

Improved Kelsi runs.

Sometimes.

Improved Kelsi signs up for things.

Sometimes.

Improved Kelsi has some sort of routine.

Sometimes.

Improved Kelsi will challenge herself.

Sometimes.

Improved Kelsi will try things she thinks she’s going to be bloody terrible at. 

Sometimes.

Because “if nothing changes, nothing changes” doesn’t have to be all or nothing. It doesn’t have to be extreme. It doesn’t have to be final.

It can be whatever you want.

It can be a lot of sometimes all piled up over time.

What I truly want is for myself to get out of my own damn way. I want to stop using the crutches that say “this is just who I am” or, “I just am not the kind of person for that” or, “I could never”.



I need to start by telling myself a different story about myself - I am the director, of my own life, and I just realized (nearly 34 years in) that I don’t want a shit story when it all comes to an end. Both the destination and the journey are important to me.

I want a story that has meaning and depth and triumph and failure. 

Which means I need to do things differently. 

Which also means my wife is right.

Which also means that her repetitive chanting if nothing changes, nothing changes is paying off for her and the people around her.

Do you need to change the story you tell yourself about yourself too?

Is there something you say you can’t do - that over time you’ve just come to believe to be true because maybe it’s easier than admitting you just haven’t actually cared enough to try anything different?

Are you falling comfortably on “I am who I am” so that you don’t have to grow, evolve, or become?

Because honestly, I am incredibly amazing at this. I can easily talk myself out of anything. Doing things, becoming things, showing up for things….because I am who I am and you can’t change that.

News flash - it’s 2023. You can pretty much do whatever you want as long as you’re a nice person and not hurting anyone.

You don’t have to be shy.

You don’t have to be introverted at all times.

You don’t have to play small.

You don’t have to watch other people do amazing things.

You don’t have to feel guilty.

You don’t have to pretend you’re not as good as you are.

You don’t have to act tired and unwell to get out of something.

Maybe you’ve been doing this for a long time and maybe it’s even come in handy a few times.

But also….MAYBE IT’S TIME TO SHAKE THINGS UP A BIT AND EVOLVE INTO THE NEXT VERSION OF YOURSELF!!

This year, I’m going to complete a triathlon - which means I have to start trying NOW so that I can actually succeed. 

This year, I’m going to get up earlier (not by choice, let’s just admit) and instead of being a pissypants about it, I’m just going to stop telling myself that ten hours is how I roll. I can roll any way I want and this year I’m going to roll on less sleep and still be amazing.

This year, I’m going to learn some shit. Take some courses about things that interest me, take on new projects, say yes to things that scare me, and then ACTUALLY DO IT (not just talk about wishing I was the type of person who could). 

This year I’m going to stop wanting and instead, I’m going to do.

Because if nothing changes, nothing changes.