connection

Last night, or early this morning now that I think about it, I wrote (in my head of course) a hefty intro to the blog post I was going to write today. My topic came to me in my sleep and as I was writing it (yes, in my head) I really believed wholeheartedly that I needed to profess my love for sleep to you all.

I needed you to know just how important sleep is for your overall health.

I needed you to know that it was so important to me to get more sleep after being woken up by our dog, that I was going to write a whole blog about it.

But then I woke up.

And forgot about it, completely. 

Then a few hours later I was in the shower thinking about what to write and again, I wrote a hefty intro to the blog I was going to write today. My topic this time, however, was the idea of connection. 

This is not the intro I wrote in my head in the shower four hours ago.

This is just me, four hours later, trying to remember what the heck I was so certain was going to be the thing to bring us all together, once again, on this little tiny blog I am so grateful to be asked to write (week after week, it's still a surprise to me that I’m here).

For the life of me and my ADHD brain, I can not remember what my award-winning intro was supposed to be or really where the whole blog was supposed to take us all, but let me try.

Connection.

Have you any bloody idea just how important meaningful connections are? To you, your physical health, and your mental health? Let's not even get into the snowball effect that can happen to the people around you if you yourself start actually benefiting from the love, admiration, inspiration, and heartfelt connection from other people.

Last week I talked about changing the story I tell myself, about myself. This week is no different. For so long I’ve been convinced, by myself, that I am not really great at making friends. I’ve gone and told myself enough stories over the course of my life that the friends I already have are good enough because frankly, I am too awkward (or too anxious, or too scatterbrained, or too nervous or too whatever it is that we tell ourselves) to do what it takes to make new friends.

Except, all I really wanted deep down was new friends. Connections. Community. Belonging.

My old friends are fine, sure - don’t get me wrong, but I’m different. I’m new. I’ve grown. I’ve evolved - and my friends haven’t really. Instead of evolving my friend list, I’ve just really stopped interacting with my old friends and in doing so, narrowed down my friends list to a small handful of people I trust with every fibre of my being so much that there are not very many people for me to call my ‘friends’ outside of the select few I call my people.

Plus, I moved to a whole new country and am awkward, remember? 

So my friends back in Canada - well, they’re there…but they’re not really, there. You know?

I’ve been craving connection for SO LONG and convincing myself that I’ll just sit back and wait for them to come to me because there is absolutely no way that I can do the things required to make new friends.

Take a class? Not for me.

Join a book club? Too nervous.

Talk to people in the places you are already naturally going? Sure, but then what?

Reach out to people online with the same interests as you? What am I even interested in?

Join the gym? To make friends? I could never…

Play a sport? As an adult? With other adults whom I’ve never met? How terrifying….

Are you craving connection but to ________ (insert any excuse) to do anything about it? YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

However - we’ve been here before. What's the point of being this way if it's not serving us?

Connection is something I crave because, if I’m being completely honest, the more and more connected I find myself online the more and more I feel like I’m missing out on what's important in the real world. I’m such an old-fashioned person in the sense that I really want someone to just give me a quick call and say “hey, I’m coming over with soup - I can stay, or go, but I made it and I thought of you” or, “my husband and I have a really busy day today and need some spare hands, can you help” or, “if you’re not busy this weekend we’d love to have you round for brunch” or, “if you need anything, my door is always open”.

The more I connect with others online the more I feel like I’m missing out on the connections that mean the most to me. The real-life connections. The hug-you-goodbye connections. The I saw this and thought of you connections. The are you free for a chat connections?

Like the seven-year-old version of me that's going to always be alive in me somewhere - I want a best friend. 

I want good friends.

I want friends that are good for certain things because as adults, let's just be honest about the fact that not ALL people are good for ALL things.

Maybe you have a gym friend, a dinner friend, a book-reading friend, a creative friend, and a friend that you love to travel with. Not every person can tick all the boxes for you, because you’re a complex being and so are they. 

But, it would be nice if you had people who ticked the boxes that are important to you, right?

It's important to me - and I’m still looking for those people.

How will I find them?

I have no bloody idea!

However, if nothing changes, nothing changes - am I right?

I find myself really craving the thing and then feeling stuck when it doesn’t happen - but the truth of the matter is that I need to make it happen. 

I’ve read that the average person has 3 to 5 very close friends, 10 to 15 people in their circle, and 100 to 150 acquaintances in their social network. Instead of focusing on the number of friends, it's important to note that the quality of friendships is what really matters - the thing that leads to true happiness and fulfilment. 

The older I get the more I feel this on a deep level. I don’t want a lot of anything, especially friends because I’d rather focus on quality. Sifting through the masses until you come across the ones that really fill your cup. 

In a world where we’re all so available to each other, I find myself feeling distant from one of the human desires - connection. 

Today's blog doesn’t have answers or even words that present themselves as answers.

Simply, todays blog provides an introduction to thought. 

Are you seeking a connection?

Are you feeling less connected in a connected world?

If so, are you doing anything about it?

Or, are you like me, and you feel like you’re not sure where to start?

Or, are you also like me and you sort of know where to start but you’re terrified because, for the last handful of years, you’ve gotten so good at online connections that you sort of fear real-life connections and everything they entail?

Please, let me know your thoughts in the comments below.

All I know for sure is that if it's something I want, I have to do the work (the overarching reality of my life lately - I am the only one that can do the things that need to be done).

Much like wanting to get active and stay active, wanting to eat healthily and create healthy habits, understanding the importance of sleep and making sleep a priority, uncovering your boundaries and living them into existence - connection takes exploration. 

What do you want? Why do you want it? What are you willing to do to achieve it? Why is it so important to you? What are you willing to lose if you choose to do absolutely nothing about it?

Because isn’t that what it comes down to?

What are you willing to lose if you do absolutely nothing about it?

I want connection, but if I do absolutely nothing about it, not only will I miss out on connection, but I’ll likely also miss out on moments, memories, laughter, a sense of belonging, impact, and a reciprocal feeling of responsibility to care for another human being in ways that could make mundane moments feel like absolute magic.