Loving yourself through the things that are hard for you (even if they aren’t hard for anyone else)

My wife, CEO, and founder of Dunnebells told me today as I was crying on her shoulder about how tired I was (after sleeping for ten hours the night before) and how hormonal I was - that I should just rest.

I felt better instantly, but then it faded. 

I had things to do. Real-life things to do that were actually for her, for the company she's building. How could she possibly tell me to just rest instead of doing all the things I needed to do?

The love and support I received was the love and support I thought I needed. I got exactly what I was fishing for. And, if I’m honest - it felt good. All my feelings about being on day one of my period and having things to do and not having had enough chocolate were heard. My frustrations of people not getting back to me in a time frame that works for me, and other people making me wait for things I am oh-so hopeful for we’re all heard and validated. My wife, as I was breaking down (over comical things to some, sure) made sure I knew how valid I was.

In the last two years, we’ve all been through a lot.

In the last two months, we’ve all been through a lot.


Right now the world is going through a lot more than we could have ever expected and even if you’re sitting in your perfect house with your perfect family and your perfect whatever else - it’s allowed to be hard for you too. It’s hard for all of us, for many many many different reasons. We’re ALL valid no matter the size of our struggle.

Since moving to Australia - we’ve gone from really having no plans (thanks covid) to having plans all of the time. I’ve gotten myself into handfuls of commitments that I didn’t have before. No longer is my schedule wide open - it’s jam-packed with a ton of amazing things that I’m so grateful for. For the last month or so we’ve actively been trying to adopt a dog and if anyone ever tried to adopt a dog, let me just say, it's hard. It's time-consuming. It's one of those things that's really exciting in one moment and then totally defeating the next. 

I’m tired, even though I slept for ten hours last night. 

I’m tired, but also very grateful for the kind of tired that I am.

I’m tired, life is great, and I am so happy to be living the life I am. 

And then, I woke up with my period - and a list of things that I still had to do.

I’ve literally been trying to vacuum and mop the floor for like two weeks (and beating myself up about it EVERY night because what kind of fool can’t just get it done, I ask myself).

Anyways, what my wife didn’t do was push me past my limits and say to just get it all done and then rest. She said, rest. Call it a day. Take some pills, and watch a movie - if that's what you really want to do. She’s so unbelievably supportive that it almost shocks me sometimes.

All the support from my spouse got me thinking - where is the support from myself, for myself? Why do I put so much pressure on myself to be productive and perfect, all the time?

I think that we’re all a bit caught up in being a bit better than we are. This is not to say that you’re not amazing - you are. But, I do believe that we all likely hold ourselves to standards that are a bit beyond our actual capabilities - or desires for ourselves. Do we want to be holding ourselves to these standards? Do we really want to have zero grace when it comes to our own lives? Are we secretly longing to be a little more gentle with ourselves? Where does this overly high expectation of the self come from? Why do we often set ourselves up for ‘failure’ by expecting so much from ourselves? When did we stop liking ourselves for who we are, not based on how much we accomplish?

Lucky for you, I’m tired.

I don't have a ton of energy to spend researching WHY we do the things we do - and then spit it all out to you in a way that hopefully, you understand.

All I’m saying is this - we should be a bit nicer to ourselves.

We should be as nice to ourselves as my wife is to me. 

When you’re on the verge of a mental breakdown and you’re crying because your swimsuit is not stretchy enough - be nice.

When you’re so tired even though you’ve slept well and you don’t know why you’re tired but you want to still get 2394 things done - be nice.

When you think you need to get all the laundry done, the cleaning done, and have a healthy dinner on the table before you even contemplate thinking you’re worthy - be nice.

When you’re body is asking you to slow down, and your brain is telling you to speed up - be nice.

This is just another friendly reminder that you should be nice to yourself.

You should breathe.

And, you should love yourself.

You weren’t made to be perfect, you know that?

You were made perfectly, to be exactly as you are.

And with that, I’ll have you know that getting the PERFECT blog post was on my list of things to do today. No one has ever asked me to make sure they’re perfect - I simply just need to get them done, and my job is done. However, every week I spend all this mental energy trying to come up with the BEST blog posts, and then I spend hours and hours writing them and putting them together so they’re worthy of your time (in a way that I think is worthy of your time which I’m totally aware is a higher expectation on my part than it’ll ever be of yours).

So this week, as my wife suggested - I chose to rest. And, while you may not believe it, writing from the heart is rest for me. I decided instead of teaching you something about habit-building (which is what this blog was meant to be - keep your eyes peeled for next week’s blog) I would just teach you something about life, instead.

This is me teaching from experience - because that's the best I know how to do.

When things are tough (for you because let's be honest, your hard doesn’t have to be hard for anyone else - this is YOUR LIFE), your job should be to make sure you are okay, and gentle with yourself.

The most important thing on your to-do list should be doing what makes you feel safe, happy, and loved. 

Happy Tuesday friends.

Thanks for being here, I’ll see you next week!

*Pictured here is me in my apparently too tight of a swimsuit that doesn’t feel stretchy and makes me feel like a beluga whale. Turns out, the swimsuit is fine, it fits, and it's totally stretchy.

*Pictured here is a girl feeling less than confident - however doing the things that she said she would do, the things she wants to do.

*Pictured here is a girl who has raised hundreds of dollars for youth mental health and has promised to swim every day in the month of March because when it comes down to it - swimming for her is about her mental health just as much as it is about theirs.

*Pictured here is a girl who, after swimming back and forth and back and forth and back and forth for forty minutes, was so proud of herself for doing the things - even when they seemed so hard and she couldn’t see past the tears.

*Pictured here is a girl who loves herself and who wants you to know that it's okay to love yourself, too.